I'm not sure why, but Gift Certificate day at work ignites my inspiration to write about the things I see and read. I was taking a short break away from this daunting task by scrolling through my Facebook feed when I came across an article entitled: "Why Good Guys Need to Expect More from Modern Women" (Go here to read said article: http://elitedaily.com/dating/gentlemen/why-good-guys-need-to-expect-more-from-modern-women/ ). The picture attached to the article shows some modelesque 22 year old boy with a chiseled and sculpted body frame, serenading an equally young and chiseled blond girl. The first thing I'm thinking is that this image immediately underscores the message that good looking men, woo good looking women and everyone ends up happily ever after. However, the thesis of this New York man's article is summed up in his assumption that "too many good men are settling for lesser women." Not at all what the image attached portrays.
I'm fairly appalled by this article for several reasons, but mainly at the fact that the message the author, ne comedian, Joe Welkie is presenting is completely one sided. Welkie asserts that "girls place themselves on a very high pedestal" and sit back with no effort and wait for the men to, as Welkie puts it, "impress these girls and [do] whatever they want [by] catering to their needs." I get what Welkie is trying to do--he's trying to deconstruct our social construct surrounding gender mating rules. However, what he really accomplishes is sounding like a pretentious asshole. There is merit to his arguments, but it's not just women who "let flame[s] die...because [they] know other guys are waiting in line for their chance." This idea is not a one-sided gender issue--it's a cultural issue.
We definitely live in the "it's all about me, selfie, entitlement culture," so to presume that any individual, male or female is apathetically inclined to put effort into anything, especially a relationship should not come across as at all shocking. What is shocking is that Welkie seems to think that women are the only ones who play the game of making a member of the opposite sex work for their attention because they are selfishly inclined to believe that suitors are lined up down the street just vying for a chance to take them on date. Men do it too--and it's not a gender issue--it's a superficial better-than-you-I deserve the best-will take no flaws-Hollywood has made me believe in fairy tales--cultural mating dilemma.
I live in Charleston, South Carolina--voted one of the top ten places for beautiful people in the United States, and a male to female ratio of 1:5. When it comes to finding a potential mate, the options are endless for aesthetically pleasing individuals. Remember, we live in the culture where I am more important than you--I am prettier than you--and when you exist in that culture, everyone--male and female--are looking for the chiseled, flawless individual to drag along as a comodified piece of arm candy. Welkie mourns that he "doesn't even know what league he is in anymore" and that he has been "brainwashed by women to think that [he's] still not good enough." What Welkie clearly does not understand is that it is not women, or even men for that matter that has made him feel like he is not pitching in the right league anymore, or that he has been brainwashed by Sirenical type women.
This issue that Welkie brings up is real for all of us. Male or female, no one feels good enough anymore because we are constantly trying to craft ourselves to be better than others. Yes, media does feed into that idea whether it's through Facebook, Twitter, or superficial apps like Tinder. The most important thing that Welkie, and people who believe like him fail to recognize is that we are all flawed individuals. Finding "the one" is hard, but it is also predicated on the fact that we universally recognize that my life is not about me, and that yes, I am flawed, but so is that other person who I am trying to get to know. It's not about chiseled abs, large bank accounts, and blond curly hair that falls below your shoulders--it's about a flawed person, meeting another flawed person somewhere in the middle.
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